Muzu Creative

I've been giving myself some space. Room to move, to breathe, to decompress. I've been giving my mind freedom. Freedom from sorting, sifting, planning, creating...controlling. I've been letting go, exhaling, softening...giving up. Yes, giving up. What do I know about anything? Nothing. Out of that space has come forward a torrent of emotion, odd feelings, random thoughts and an overwhelming uncomfortable tiredness.  I had no idea that I would feel this way. Out of that space my self belief has been challenged, my purpose shrouded in doubt and many questions have arisen. There are so many things I can do, so many things I can be.  I have been bombarded with an outpouring of ideas. I can barely keep up with them. Ideas about my writing, ideas about other creative pursuits and ideas about my purpose. Usually this would see me planning, preparing and devising ways of executing these ideas, but I have just let them be....in the space ...with me. Which ones are

How is it, that strolling along on our perfect peaceful path, is so much harder than trekking backwards, uphill, blindfolded and in the rain, on some random track to nowhere?? How is it, that we know exactly what to do...but do the opposite? Why do we choose to struggle, push, and deny ourselves the simple truth of who we are? When did we decide that who we really are is not enough, not valuable and is worthless.? Worth less. When I am travelling in the right direction - my direction, I am so happy! When I am happy, I am so giving, so creative, so loving. Anything and everything is possible. Everyone I meet is an opportunity for me to share my joy, my knowledge, my heart. So why is it so hard to stay there. Why do I wander into fear, distrust and such smallness. How come I can bear down, push hard, toughen up and clench my way through self destructive jobs, self created poverty and self abusive inner talk and turn away from my light, love and freedom? Shouldn't play