A nice cup of tea. That's what I need. Today I have promised myself that I will not do anything physically challenging or mentally challenging. I will just relax, flop around the house in my PJ's, not clean, not even wipe. Read a book or even just flick through a mag, sit in the garden, drink tea.
So far I have done 3 loads of washing, splashed some bleach around the bathrooms, stripped the sheets off the beds, folded washing, checked emails, worried about money, my weight, my neck pain, my weight, my weight...oh did I mention my weight. I have also just wandered around the house, aimlessly.
A nice cup of tea....and read a book. Yes, that was the plan.
So I put the jug on, prepare the tea. A little biscuit would be nice. And then it begins....the inner dialogue. "You cant have that!, Too many carbs, too much sugar, artificial additives! What about your weight? " I don't really eat biscuits, but sometimes its just nice. Makes a bit of a ceremony of the whole tea business. How can one little Arrowroot biscuit be so scary?
I can't tell you how tired I am of worrying about my weight. But when I give up and decide to just not think about it, I worry more and feel terrified of gaining yet more fat.
I go to the biscuit tin. (Funny we call it that, ours is plastic) The biscuit tin has been dropped. My husband dropped it the other night and most of the biscuits are broken. I think he dropped it because he was "sneaking" a biscuit. Bloody hell. What have we become!
My son loves his biscuits at night before bed. He is sixteen, 6 foot 3 and too skinny. I buy them for him. Even now I am justifying why I have biscuits in the house. When did we all get so fucked up about food?
I think I will write a book. I will start today. It will be titled "Don't eat biscuits and see where that gets you!" A sequel will follow.....".How to love yourself, and truly shine...no matter what." Still working on that one.
So far I have done 3 loads of washing, splashed some bleach around the bathrooms, stripped the sheets off the beds, folded washing, checked emails, worried about money, my weight, my neck pain, my weight, my weight...oh did I mention my weight. I have also just wandered around the house, aimlessly.
A nice cup of tea....and read a book. Yes, that was the plan.
So I put the jug on, prepare the tea. A little biscuit would be nice. And then it begins....the inner dialogue. "You cant have that!, Too many carbs, too much sugar, artificial additives! What about your weight? " I don't really eat biscuits, but sometimes its just nice. Makes a bit of a ceremony of the whole tea business. How can one little Arrowroot biscuit be so scary?
I can't tell you how tired I am of worrying about my weight. But when I give up and decide to just not think about it, I worry more and feel terrified of gaining yet more fat.
I go to the biscuit tin. (Funny we call it that, ours is plastic) The biscuit tin has been dropped. My husband dropped it the other night and most of the biscuits are broken. I think he dropped it because he was "sneaking" a biscuit. Bloody hell. What have we become!
My son loves his biscuits at night before bed. He is sixteen, 6 foot 3 and too skinny. I buy them for him. Even now I am justifying why I have biscuits in the house. When did we all get so fucked up about food?
I think I will write a book. I will start today. It will be titled "Don't eat biscuits and see where that gets you!" A sequel will follow.....".How to love yourself, and truly shine...no matter what." Still working on that one.
Love it Denise, I know where you are coming from. Shirl xx
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