I'm sick. Toxic they tell me. A bit like the 12 step programs, owning up to it is the first step to recovery. My name is Den and I am toxic.
I have been sick for so long that I don't know how it feels to be well. This is what I am being told. I am also being told that my digestive system, in its entirety, is not working. I am not receiving enough nutrients from food, my liver is compromised my bowel dysfunctional and this has all been this way probably since childhood. Oh and I am completely stressed and my adrenal system is flat and barely giving me the energy to perform any normal activity - such as going to work, cleaning the house, singing, walking...being.
But wait..!I cry. That's not possible. I am the healthy one, I am the one that knows all about nutrition and what the body needs, how can this be? I am the one that really does have AFD's (Alcohol Free Days) Five out of seven in fact. Two glasses of wine, two nights a week cant be bad for me. I am the one who understands the balance of fats to carbs to proteins, I don't eat desserts, cakes, biscuits. (Remember the whole arrowroot biscuit drama) So what gives?
All my good nutrition is being poisoned by my dysfunctional digestive system. All that goodness is being wasted. As a result I am incredibly fatigued, suffer from headaches, migraines, neck pain, I gain and hold weight, I am riddled with parasites (nice) and EVERY single thing I do is a struggle, an effort of gargantuan proportion.
How are you walking around? I was asked by my practitioner.
I was raised by a single mum who's motto was "Be Strong, Be Happy" or was it Be Happy Be Strong" Basically it was put on a happy face, bear down and get the job done. So that's what I do. Fake it to you make it sister. The harder it gets the more I push, the more I bear down. I clench my teeth - literally. I had no idea that I do this until my chiropractor pointed it out. Now that I know I do this, I catch myself doing it ALL the time. The only way to prevent it is for me to walk around with my mouth open - like a panting dog. I clench my teeth when chopping the vegetables, having a shower, cleaning the loo, watching TV. At work its just one big clench fest! So hardened am I to the effort of my life. Be Happy Be Strong. I don't believe my mother was either. She tried. She died. At 57 no less, from cancer.
I have also been told that my present state of chronic illness is what caused my cancer to develop and will present itself again if I don't get things fixed and soon. Talk about melodramatic! Normally I would just let this pass and soldier on, however this is the third time my digestive system and stress levels have been brought to my attention, by three different practitioners, none who are connected to any other by any means. Its time to listen.
Change my life, change my diet, no gluten, no wheat, no dairy, no sugar, no alcohol - no cancer. Do less. Admit to being ill and let others help, recover, recuperate, meditate. Do less. Breathe more. Clench less.
I need a sponsor to fund my recovery, so I can give up work for six months, once the detox starts, it will be hard going, we are waiting for my adrenals to be strong enough to handle it. But I will handle it and you know why....because I will Be Happy, and I will Be Strong, there is no other choice.
I have been sick for so long that I don't know how it feels to be well. This is what I am being told. I am also being told that my digestive system, in its entirety, is not working. I am not receiving enough nutrients from food, my liver is compromised my bowel dysfunctional and this has all been this way probably since childhood. Oh and I am completely stressed and my adrenal system is flat and barely giving me the energy to perform any normal activity - such as going to work, cleaning the house, singing, walking...being.
But wait..!I cry. That's not possible. I am the healthy one, I am the one that knows all about nutrition and what the body needs, how can this be? I am the one that really does have AFD's (Alcohol Free Days) Five out of seven in fact. Two glasses of wine, two nights a week cant be bad for me. I am the one who understands the balance of fats to carbs to proteins, I don't eat desserts, cakes, biscuits. (Remember the whole arrowroot biscuit drama) So what gives?
All my good nutrition is being poisoned by my dysfunctional digestive system. All that goodness is being wasted. As a result I am incredibly fatigued, suffer from headaches, migraines, neck pain, I gain and hold weight, I am riddled with parasites (nice) and EVERY single thing I do is a struggle, an effort of gargantuan proportion.
How are you walking around? I was asked by my practitioner.
I was raised by a single mum who's motto was "Be Strong, Be Happy" or was it Be Happy Be Strong" Basically it was put on a happy face, bear down and get the job done. So that's what I do. Fake it to you make it sister. The harder it gets the more I push, the more I bear down. I clench my teeth - literally. I had no idea that I do this until my chiropractor pointed it out. Now that I know I do this, I catch myself doing it ALL the time. The only way to prevent it is for me to walk around with my mouth open - like a panting dog. I clench my teeth when chopping the vegetables, having a shower, cleaning the loo, watching TV. At work its just one big clench fest! So hardened am I to the effort of my life. Be Happy Be Strong. I don't believe my mother was either. She tried. She died. At 57 no less, from cancer.
I have also been told that my present state of chronic illness is what caused my cancer to develop and will present itself again if I don't get things fixed and soon. Talk about melodramatic! Normally I would just let this pass and soldier on, however this is the third time my digestive system and stress levels have been brought to my attention, by three different practitioners, none who are connected to any other by any means. Its time to listen.
Change my life, change my diet, no gluten, no wheat, no dairy, no sugar, no alcohol - no cancer. Do less. Admit to being ill and let others help, recover, recuperate, meditate. Do less. Breathe more. Clench less.
I need a sponsor to fund my recovery, so I can give up work for six months, once the detox starts, it will be hard going, we are waiting for my adrenals to be strong enough to handle it. But I will handle it and you know why....because I will Be Happy, and I will Be Strong, there is no other choice.
My beautiful Mum. Miss you xxx
Thank you for sharing. You are sharing your story with great honesty and wit.
ReplyDeleteLooking forward to your next entry. LOL