Sending it out there.

It was about this time of year when my mother was diagnosed with cancer. It certainly did put a dampener on things. Mum loved Christmas. She loved the decorations, the carols, (Her name was Carol!), the festive entertaining and the excuse to dress in something "nice" and drink from crystal wine glasses.. It is strange that for many years she was often ill at Christmas. Of course she had undetected cancer for ten years, so that may have been the cause, but even as far back as my childhood I seem to remember her not being at her best. Maybe she was just worn out by the end of each year. Maybe she was broken, just a bit.

As a single mum, mum worked all the time. I have memories of only a couple of holidays that we all spent together. Awesome memories. I was really young. I remember laying in my hessian bunk bed in the tent with a curtain to divide us kids from the grown ups. I remember hearing the laughter. The adults were probably three sheets to the wind, playing cards, singing and joking around. They must of had cracking hangovers in the morning, but as a kid I never noticed if they did.

Mostly I remember weeks on end of school holidays, hanging with my sisters, unsupervised, unruly and generally up to no good. Fun.

As a mother, who works, I look back on my childhood and my mum and wonder how the hell she did it. Carol worked in the office of a fertiliser and chemical pesticide company. (Winstones Pty Ltd, as I recall) This company had a massive factory and you guessed it, my mum was the cleaner on the weekends. My sisters and I would go with her to help. (I'm sure it wasn't our idea). I remember the smell of that place as clearly as if I were there right now. I have often wondered about that company and mum's cancer, and mine for that matter. We didn't know then what we know now, none of us wore masks or gloves or anything like that. I'm sure the production and disposal methods were less than safe, but we only know what we know until we know differently. At night mum would sit on the lounge room floor with brochures spread out around her collating the sales catalogues for the same company. Yep, another source of income! I'm exhausted just writing about it. No wonder she often took a dive at Christmas.

My girlfriends mother has just undergone surgery because of cancer. She will be in hospital over Christmas. She is the sole carer of her husband, who now has to spend Christmas in a nursing home. My girlfriend is here in Australia and her parents are in Germany.

My son was born on Christmas Day.  I recall the doctors and nurses wore plastic reindeer antlers with flashing lights and I remember my surgeon (Coops was a 30 hour labour followed by a C section) turning up, red faced, decked out in a garish Hawaiian shirt (Christmas gift he told me) and if I'm not mistaken somewhat too filled with Christmas cheer. (Another cajoling adult - three sheets to the wind!)

I also recall how busy the hospital was. How many people were in hospital for Christmas. So today I am sending out as many blessings as I can, to all those who are experiencing trials and tribulations this Christmas, to all those who for one reason or another find themselves less than, for all those who find themselves somewhere other than where they would like to be this Christmas, may you find peace, healing and love.

I invite you all to join me today, to spend a moment (or two if you have them) sending love "out there", and being grateful for every blessing in your life. xxx