It has taken
me three years to understand that my `Just give it all to me, I can handle it’
attitude caused my cancer. My “just keep going, be strong’ mantra, nearly
killed me.
At the time I was thinking that I was doing the right thing. I was a
good mum, a good wife, a fantastic employee. Hard-working, obliging, diligent.
However not once at any time did I listen to my body when it said I was tired.
When it called to me that my heart was pounding, my neck muscles straining and
my pulse racing. I would be thirsty, my head would be aching, I would just push
on. “I will just finish this and then I will rest/have a glass of water/take a
moment” but that moment never came. I just kept adding to my never ending to-do
list.
My body had no choice but to make me stop. It was a physical
intervention. I had a disease and cancer was the cure.
Since my
diagnosis three years ago, I have been on a journey of self-discovery. Sounds
all spiritual and mystical doesn’t it? Actually it has been painful, physically,
mentally and emotionally. Three surgeries, chronic back aches and a long list
of not so pleasant pharmaceutical side effects, led me to ask what was going on
with me and how could I make things better.
As I had already decided to never
again ignore the language of my body, I started talking and listening to my
pain. I meditated with it and was led to some pretty dark places. In the dark I
connected honestly to my soul and I was shown how I had had a hand in it all.
The
pain showed me where to look, and once I was there, how to heal. There have
been tears…buckets full, however there has also been deep understanding on a
cellular level, forgiveness and now a renewed passion for life.
As I re-learn
how to be authentically me and how to balance being lovingly selfless and
lovingly selfish, my pain lessens each day.
Believe it or not, pain can be the
light at the end of the tunnel.
Yes, it hurts. It wants your attention. So take
notice. Why is it so? What is your body telling you?
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